| ...Where Credit is Due (60) | Watch the credits from beginning to end. |
| Auto Dealer (10) | Kill 50 enemies with the sub-machinegun. |
| Beat the Snot out of Wellesley (50) | Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..." |
| Better than One (25) | Score two headshots with one bullet. |
| Blind Luck (15) | Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. |
| Boom. (20) | Blow up 50 explosive objects. |
| Death Hazard (20) | Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?" |
| Deja-Vu (20) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again." |
| Deja-Vu (All Over Again) (30) | Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!" |
| Disco is Dead (20) | Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!" |
| Draw (10) | Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..." |
| Eat FIST! (25) | Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. |
| Feeling Punchy (30) | Defeat five enemies in a row using melee combat. |
| Fire Hazard (20) | Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. |
| Hands-On Approach (10) | Defeat an enemy using melee combat. |
| Hazard Avoider (10) | Complete the game on the Minor Hazard difficulty setting. |
| Hazard Master (40) | Complete the game on the Maximum Hazard difficulty setting. |
| Head Cheese (10) | Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more." |
| Head of the Class (30) | Score 100 headshots. |
| Headache (10) | Score 20 headshots. |
| Housing Crisis (10) | Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!" |
| It's HAZARD TIME! (15) | Start your first game. |
| Just a Flesh Wound (40) | Complete a level without dying. |
| Maxx Karnage (20) | Collect 20 Hazard pickups. |
| Meat Your Maker (10) | Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day." |
| Meet Quentin. (100) | Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!" |
| Migraine (20) | Score 50 headshots. |
| Multiplayer Master! (30) | "What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...." |
| No Pain, No Gain (10) | Kill an enemy with an explosive that also damages you. |
| Peekaboo...I Shot You! (10) | Kill 50 enemies with the sniper rifle. |
| Plink (10) | Kill 50 enemies with the Hazard pistol. |
| Pseudo-Hazard (20) | Complete the game on the Major Hazard difficulty setting. |
| Pull! (10) | Kill 50 enemies with the shotgun. |
| Pure Energy (10) | Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!" |
| Russian Attack (10) | Kill 50 enemies with the AK-47. |
| Russian to the Finish (20) | Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love." |
| Say "No" to Pots (5) | Shoot 30 potted plants. |
| Second Amendment (10) | Kill at least one enemy with every available gun. |
| Shield Master (20) | Collect 20 Master Shield pickups. |
| Straight-A Student (10) | Complete all of the in-game tutorials. |
| Stung (10) | Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now." |
| Take 5. (5) | Pause the game for the first time. |
| Talk! (10) | "What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement." |
| Tramm Ride (40) | Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles." |
| Uncovered (20) | Destroy 20 destructible cover objects. |
| Well, I Heard them Scream (10) | Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore." |
| Your Turn (20) | Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds." |
